LIFESCIENCE: Lifescience: PRESS REPORT -au pairs

[Trevor <tebatt@dds.nl>]

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ARS ELECTRONICA FESTIVAL 99
LIFESCIENCE
Linz, Austria, September 04 - 09
http://www.aec.at/lifescience
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PRESS REPORT (Extrct.)

3.5 million "Au Pair girls (mk.III)" were returned to the factory for
termination and re-cycling after a factory recall today.

Owners of models with serial numbers beginning between 034 and 796 are asked
to contact the factory immediately. A Bat-pharm spokesthing refused to comment
on reports blaming the problems on "hormone inbalance". Artist/designer Trevor
Batten appologized by e-mail for any inconveniences, and admitted having
problems with 'southern types' -"My 'Nordic Ice Maidens' are perfect" he
states.

Local environmentalist Karla Kluen claimed factory recalls were damaging the
environment. Bat-pharm denied allegations of dumping human body cells into the
Rhine river. "They are much too valuable" was their reaction. Rumours of
talking Herons in the area have been disregarded.

Hospital administrator Greta Gubbel claimed her husband was mistakenly
included in the recall. "He is not an au pair girl -he just likes to dress
like that" she tearfully explained.


Continuing reports, from various sources, that the Swiss President is a
forgery remain unconfirmed. Her secretary, a visibly pregnant "Marylin Monro"
look-alike laughingly stated "Believe me -they broke the bottle when they made
that one!". Charming Ms. Mar-Mo(mk.iv) apologized for her wood chewing habit
-admitting that it came from a loose gene in the tooth department. "But
letting them grow out sure does save dental costs on the fillings" she added
smilingly.

A government official refused to state how many copies of the President were
in existance, or where they were -as this was clearly a matter of state
security.


EUROTIMES Synd.
PARIS/BERLIN/LONDON/MOSKWA
8 May 2001


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